Here I go again.

I’ve been staring at the computer for some time now, frustration with myself building as I continue to *not * type * a * word*. Fears about my writing inadequacy are mounting. I know this is a head game; one that I have played and lost many times before. 

For at least a few years now, I’ve been pretty certain that I have a book in me; a message I feel called by our Lord to deliver. Yet, I struggle with sitting down and writing it—which at times makes me feel like a failure and as you can imagine, that is not conducive to writing.

I’m seconds from giving up and walking away from the computer. I could whip up a batch of chocolate chip cookies and have something delicious to show for my time. The house would smell great and I could drown out the angst of not writing with a chocolate chip cookie “party in my mouth.” It would be so much easier to work with the familiar and predictable ingredients of flour, butter, sugar, and chocolate chips than it is to tackle the uncharted territory of creating a book with God; I don’t want to disappoint Him. 

I walk away from the computer and into the kitchen.

In my head I hear my own faint “don’t quit, you can do this; just do it”. And I remember the words of Christy Isinger (Praise Writer interviewee) “just write anything. Continuing to not write doesn’t make you feel any better.”  I immediately turn around, come back to the computer and sit down. The cursor is still blinking at me. I tentatively put my fingers on the keyboard, wishing I didn’t have to tell them what to type. 

“Start writing. Bring something to the table so God has something to work with and so he can enter your work” (Claire Dwyer Praise Writer office hours). That makes so much sense to me, It doesn’t have to be good, just type. And my fingers slowly begin to strike the keys as my thoughts dribble to the keyboard. 

I pause to read what I have written and it crosses my mind that those chocolate chip cookies really would have tasted good. I can almost smell them! I know I am a good baker, but am I really a writer? Providentially I remember the words of Megan Hjelmstad (Praise Writer Interviewee) “Imposter syndrome doesn’t go away." I push the cookie dreams away and keep writing until I reach the end of the hour. 

I did it!

Seeds sown by Praise Writer resources and interviews have helped me create and commit to the following writing structure for myself.

• I will sit down to write 2x a week. 
• I schedule 1 hour and will write for that hour or until the idea runs out. 
• I don’t edit while writing. I can do that later, for now my focus is just getting ideas and stories out of my head (reflecting the message from Praise Writer interviewee Michael Therrien on the importance of story). 

By some standards I am progressing at a snail’s pace, but I’m willing to consider, this pace may be exactly what God wants for me. For now, I am content with my slow, steady progress and I am grateful for the connections and support I have gathered from Praise Writers. 

Emily Borman is a wife, mother, and grandmother. She is a Master Catechist for the Diocese of Arlington, Virginia and holds an Advanced Youth Ministry Certificate from the Diocese of Arlington in conjunction with Franciscan University of Steubenville. Emily contributed a chapter to the book ROAD SIGNS for Catholic Teens published by Our Sunday Visitor, 2019. To see more of Emily’s work…well at this point you may need to google her name. No telling where she might show up next.